Whenever I meet couples for the first time—and even before agreeing to be their marriage celebrant—I mention the possibility of participating in pre-marriage education. Sometimes I get responses like, “We’ve been together for years and we have matching tattoos, so there’s no chance of us being apart.” Others simply ask, “Is it compulsory?” and then say, “We don’t need it.”

I then gently explain that all relationships go through change. Even marriage—the public acknowledgement of commitment and love—can be stressful, as can preparing for children. If there are unresolved issues, it is best to address them before the big day.

I’ve been a celebrant since 2005, and this year has been an eye-opener. One bride asked if she could have an annulment just 15 days after the wedding, and two grooms contacted me to say their weddings were off.

In the case of the annulment, the bride had married her cousin and was living with her child from a previous marriage, along with her new mother-in-law. The father-in-law was working overseas, and I suspected (correctly) that the mother-in-law was interfering. I suggested the couple seek relationship counselling and move out of the mother-in-law’s house to try and work things out. They did—and I’m pleased to say they are still together.

I was scheduled to officiate a wedding in March, but in February the groom contacted me to say things had changed and they would not be proceeding with the wedding. No further reason was given.

Also in March, I received a phone call from another groom saying that he had moved out, as he had grown tired of his fiancée’s moodiness. He asked for suggestions, as being a Catholic, he didn’t wish to marry and then divorce. I advised him to attend relationship counselling with his fiancée. He was also concerned about how it would look to cancel the wedding at short notice. I suggested that, if he wanted to save face, they could have a commitment ceremony and marry later if things were resolved. He mentioned these suggestions to his fiancée, but she rejected both. A fortnight later, I received another phone call—this time to say the wedding was off.

Apart from the emotional stress, the financial cost to these couples would have been immense, as reception centres and other related vendors may not have offered full refunds.

As celebrants, we want our weddings to have the best chance of success. While we cannot offer counselling, it is our responsibility to point couples in the direction of relevant pre-marriage education courses in hopes of preventing relationship breakdowns.