Tales of Children, Dogs, and Beaches – Adventures of a Wedding Celebrant
There’s an old adage in theatre: “Never work with animals or children.” As a wedding celebrant, I’ve come to learn this applies just as well to ceremonies as it does to stage performances. Children and dogs can be the most adorable scene-stealers—or the most unpredictable elements of the day. And beaches? Well, they bring their own drama.
👶 Children at Weddings – Cute Chaos or Comic Relief?
My very first experience involving little ones came while marrying an older couple. The bride’s son was part of the wedding party. Mid-ceremony, I glanced down—thankfully without moving—only to spot the groom’s young grandson slithering like a commando across the floor right in front of me!
Then there was a rehearsal at Stones of the Yarra Valley. The couple’s nephew was meant to be the page boy. Emphasis on “meant to be”—at the rehearsal, he flat-out refused to walk, then launched into a full-blown tantrum. I gently advised, “Maybe ditch the page boy?” Sure enough, on the wedding day, the meltdown repeated and he had to be removed from the chapel.
Another common pitfall? Asking very young children to do readings. While sweet in theory, it can quickly become uncomfortable if they struggle to read. The audience suffers, the couple cringes, and everyone prays for it to end.
But it’s not all doom and drama. When little ones are given simpler tasks—like carrying signs or love hearts—they often rise to the occasion brilliantly. One standout moment: a 3-year-old gliding down the aisle in a remote-controlled miniature Mercedes. The bride’s grand entrance was completely overshadowed, but everyone loved it.
🐾 Dogs – The Furry Ring Bearers with Flare
Animals can bring a whole new energy to a wedding.
At Emu Bottom Homestead in Sunbury, I was warming myself by the fire one chilly August evening. Suddenly, a possum launched out from the fireplace and scurried into the rafters. I mentioned it to the couple—concerned since their dog was to be the ring bearer. They weren’t fazed. “He’s never seen a possum,” they shrugged. Thankfully, Mr Possum stayed put and the ceremony went off without a hitch (or a chase).
Then came Wallace and Gromit—yes, named after the beloved TV characters. These two dogs were the ring bearers for a friend’s daughter’s wedding in Dunsborough, WA. To everyone’s delight, they performed their duties perfectly. No running off into the sunset—just wagging tails and proud delivery.
Then there was a rehearsal at Stones of the Yarra Valley. The couple’s nephew was meant to be the page boy. Emphasis on “meant to be”—at the rehearsal, he flat-out refused to walk, then launched into a full-blown tantrum. I gently advised, “Maybe ditch the page boy?” Sure enough, on the wedding day, the meltdown repeated and he had to be removed from the chapel.
Another common pitfall? Asking very young children to do readings. While sweet in theory, it can quickly become uncomfortable if they struggle to read. The audience suffers, the couple cringes, and everyone prays for it to end.
But it’s not all doom and drama. When little ones are given simpler tasks—like carrying signs or love hearts—they often rise to the occasion brilliantly. One standout moment: a 3-year-old gliding down the aisle in a remote-controlled miniature Mercedes. The bride’s grand entrance was completely overshadowed, but everyone loved it.
🌊 Beach Weddings – Romantic in Theory, Challenging in Practice
There’s no denying the romance of a beach wedding… but for celebrants, it’s a logistical workout.
Grassy verges near the beach? Lovely. Sand on the beach? A whole other matter. Wind can render even the best PA system useless, and sand finds its way into every crevice—equipment, shoes, you name it.
At Sunnyside Beach on the Mornington Peninsula (a known nudist beach, though not that day!), I accidentally drained my PA battery during the drive by leaving it switched on. When I arrived—no power. With no quick fix, we braved the wind and set up anyway. By positioning the readers slightly upwind, we managed to be heard. It wasn’t flawless, but it was memorable. (Pro tip from a colleague: tape the PA switch to prevent accidents like mine.)
Then there was the elopement I officiated on December 2, 2018, for dear Canadian friends. The plan? Exchange vows in front of the iconic Dendy Street bathing boxes. Reality? A freezing gale and flocks of tourists snapping selfies. We pivoted—literally—and held the ceremony tucked behind the boxes, sheltered from the wind. It turned out perfectly intimate, and as we wrapped up, Melbourne’s famous weather kicked in with rain. We ducked inside a bathing box and toasted with champagne. Magic.
💍 The Moral of the Story
Children, animals, and beaches can all bring unpredictable moments—but they also bring heart, laughter, and unforgettable memories. As a celebrant, these tales remind me that love isn’t about perfection—it’s about embracing the unexpected.
Here’s to more stories, more laughter, and more beautiful chaos.